christine~ (eppylover) wrote,

Albert Epstein, Great Quotes and Israeli Personals

The premise of this show sounds hysterical! However, it might be just a one-joke show...

The production's hero Eric embarks on his journey up to 'the most fab place on the planet', Liverpool, to seek his fortune.

He is going to emulate his hero, Albert Epstein - a mix of Albert Einstein and Beatles manager Brian Epstein! Eric explains: 'Formulating the theory of relativity and managing The Beatles - the man's a genius!'

Read about the show in:
It's Relatively Fab

Reviewed Aug 10 2005 By Ben Jervis, Northwich Chronicle, icCheshireOnline™ (UK)

And now, just a few natters:

Some fave quotes.

“When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come close to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing absolute knowledge.”
Albert Einstein

(Everybody likes this one; it's so ironic)- “Not to mince words, Mr. Epstein, we don’t like your boys’ sound. Groups of guitarists are on the way out.”
Decca Recording Company executive, turning down the Beatles, 1962
Brian Epstein, A Cellarful of Noise

"The Beatles happened only because it was Brian Epstein's fantasy."
(I'm not sure who said this, it may have been Sid Bernstein)

"Out of the public eye, Brian Epstein was flamboyant and charismatic. Brian Epstein drank, gambled compulsively, and took drugs to excess. But people remember his wit, charm, and capacity to inspire affection and loyalty."
Debbie Geller, In My Life: The Brian Epstein Story
St Martin's Press, 2000

And I love this quote from George Harrison:

Nobody I know in the Christian religions seems to have a deep enough understanding of the science of God to be able to translate it into human terms. Church leaders are purveying a kind of nonsense because they don't really understand it themselves. So they blind you with ignorance, like a government does, as if the power of the Church has become reason enough for you not to question anything it says. It's like, 'You don't know anything about Christ and God because we're the ones who own the franchise.'

Extra Added Attraction:

Actual Personals which Appeared in Israeli Papers


Sincere rabbinical student, 27. Enjoys Yom Kippur, Tisha B'av, Taanis Esther, Tzom Gedaliah, Assrah B'Teves, Shiva Asar B'Tammuz. Seeks companion for living life in the "fast" lane.

Yeshiva bochur, Torah scholar, long beard, paycs. Seeks same in woman.

Desperately seeking shmoozing! Retired senior citizen desires female companion 70+ for kvetching, kvelling, and krechtzing. Under 30 is also ok.

Shul gabbal, 36. I take out the Torah Saturday morning. Would like to take you out Saturday night. Please write.

Attractive Jewish woman, 35, college graduate, seeks successful Jewish Prince Charming to get me out of my parent's house.

Divorced Jewish man, seeks partner to attend shule with, light Shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses, bar mitzvahs. Religion not important.

Worried about in-law meddling? I'm an orphan! Write.

Nice Jewish guy, 38. No skeletons. No baggage. No personality.

Are you the girl I spoke with at the kiddush after shul last week? You excused yourself to get more horseradish for your gefite fish, but you never returned. How can I contact you again? (I was the one with the cholent stain on my tie).

Shochet, 54, owns successful butcher shop in Midwest. Doesn't believe women should be treated like a piece of meat. Seeks glatt kosher maydl for marriage.

Female graduate student, studying kaballah, Zohar, exorcism of dybbuks, seeks mensch. No weirdos, please. Staunch Jewish feminist, wears tzitzis, seeking male who will accept my independence, although you probably will not. Oh, just forget it.

Jewish businessman, 49, manufactures Sabbath candles, Chanukah candles, havdaliah candles, Yahizeit candles. Seeks non-smoker.

Israeli professor, 41, with 18 years of teaching in my behind. Looking for American-born woman who speaks English very good.

Couch potato latke, in search of the right applesauce. Let's try it for eight days. Who knows?

80-year-old bubby, no assets, seeks handsome, virile Jewish male, under 35. Object matrimony. I can dream, can't I?

I am a sensitive Jewish prince whom you can open your heart to. Share your innermost thoughts and deepest secrets. Confide in me. I'll understand your insecurities. No fatties please.

Jewish male, 34, very successful, smarts, independent, self-made. Looking for girl whose father will hire me.

Single Jewish woman, 29, into disco, mountain climbing, skiing, and track and field. Has slight limp.

Jewish Princess, 28, seeks successful businessman of any major Jewish denomination: hundreds, fifties, twenties.

I was reform as an embryo, conservative as a fetus, orthodox from birth. Seeking same.

Orthodox woman with gelt, seeks man who got get, or can get get. Get it? I'll show you mine, if you show me yours. POB 72.

Very pretty, slim, lulav would like to meet fragrant, squeezable esrog. Let's do hoshanas together. Pitum a must.

from "Chuck Rosenberg's Jokes and Comics Page"



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