christine~ (eppylover) wrote,

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I'm sorry I'm such a bitch sometimes

Note: I deleted the post that should have been just before this one. I was a real lulu out in lala land on that one. But I'll leave the initial Joanne book post for reference.

After sleeping on it, I realize I owe LJ'ers an apology for overreacting on the previous two posts. I'm sure whichever Beatle it was, Eppy was magnificent, and just maybe I'm jealous? Naahhh. Not that I'm trying to excuse my outburst, but I've been feeling very strange and melancholy the past month or so (note the slacking off on the Brian history in mrbrianepstein, and some of my relatively bizarre posts lately). Unfortunately, reading parts of the new Tony Bramwell book the other day didn't help my mental situation, as reading Brian stuff usually does; it only made it worse. I have apparently gotten overly Eppy-sensitive lately @_@ ... spring fever?

apartment42b, I'm sorry, you're right, I don't remember reading anything in LJ that scorns Brian for anything he did or was. I thought about it just now, and realize I probably had a knee-jerk reaction to the mention of what would seem to most people to be an "unseemly" behavior in my idol, maybe subconsciously because of the loathing the revelation would have engendered in the people I grew up hanging around with (my parents, by the way, were always very cool with most differences in people, so don't count them in this). And I'm unhappily anticipating the mocking reaction that's going to be plastered all over the newsgroup, I'm sure.

I'm accustomed to snide snotty online attitudes. Before LJ, I lurked (mostly) in for a couple of years ... because it was the only place I could find that mentioned Brian as anything more than a footnote (until I found the Martin Lewis site in what...1997?) ... and a lot of the old-timer people in rmb have old-timey bigoted attitudes ... which, by the way, was the accepted attitude I had to tolerate back in the day ... plus there are a lot of "trolls" who delight in pushing peoples' buttons ... and I let it go in rmb with a sigh because I usually was just anonymously lurking anyway. It was painful when the phobicshit was aimed at Brian ... and when they get a chance, they can bite hard with sarcasm and derision. After a couple years I was worn out from trying to find any info on Brian without feeling hurt, even by sometimes well-meant remarks ("bad businessman" crap, etc).

If you haven't read some of the contemptuous mockery and sneering jeering that goes on every time Brian is mentioned in, you just haven't lived, man.

I can count on the fingers of one hand the few in rmb who admire Brian (or would admit to it there) for his genius and his accomplishments, and who realize that the Brian Epstein story was the most unfair and the saddest in the entertainment industry. Brian's magic created the phenomena that caused music's most explosive euphoria ...his misfortune and misadventure triggered the disintegration of the British Invasion era. In my book, that makes Brian Epstein the Alpha and Omega of the Swinging Sixties, not his boys The Beatles. Brian Epstein started the British Invasion, and he just as effectively ended it with his demise. The Brian-supportive rmb posts, however, are almost always overpowered by the people (not always trolls) who truly believe that he was a lucky Little Lord Fauntleroy who ultimately screwed his artists ... often literally, as in "casting couch" ... and that
1. He was a pompous pretentious bumbling greenhorn in business, and
2. He connived to keep most of the money for himself, of course because he was Jewish.

It especially hurts to hear people express resentment for his "business incompetence." For those who haven't seen it before, here's the truth on that:
"A Poor Businessman?"

Personally, I really don't feel that a celebrity's sex life (or any private affairs) should matter at all, unless the celebrity ends up using it as a publicity ploy (which too many of them do these days, yuck). I'm sure the Boys aren't happy with people doing this to them, but hey, that's show biz in the 21st century.

When I discovered the Martin Lewis MBE site, I dumped rmb for the most part, and started searching the net to read every Brian reference in every website I could find. Search engines sucked then, but references, anecdotes and pictures, etc. very slowly started appearing as more Beatles sites were created. But ~ and I found this disturbing ~ they ALL felt it necessary to put a heavy emphasis on his homosexuality, almost at the exclusion of his other qualities. I know he wouldn't have liked that any more than he liked over-emphasizing his Jewishness. It's always "The Beatles' gay manager," or some similar reference in the next sentence or two. Would they have done the same if Brian wasn't gay? Would they have said, "The Beatles' heterosexual manager" or mentioned that he was, by the way, straight? I know, that's stupid. But it's still annoying.

Usually it doesn't bother me at all when the sites persist in hammering the queer thing into the ground. Eppy himself (amongst very close friends like Nat Weiss) would delight in poking naughty self-depreciating fun about his orientation. However, during the touring years, that revelation probably would have meant death to the Beatles' career, and he knew it. Back when he was alive, the general public had no idea he was gay. That's how I'm accustomed to thinking about him most of the time. Just brilliant, softspoken, shy, gorgeous Brian. Not Gay Brian.

Or, at times, as Tony Bramwell says they thought of him, as "a god."

My parents never made disparaging comments about different races, religions, cultures, etc. ~ and if I had absorbed any of that mindset from my peers (as some of my siblings have), I can't detect it in myself. Actually, I was somewhat prepared for the shock of discovering Brian was gay when Peter Brown's book came out (I read it in 1983) because my first husband, whom I married in 1970 and who was nine years older, spoke at length with me about sexual differences and orientations (which I knew nothing about, duh) ~ and actually thanks to Brian being gay, I can say I don't feel queer about it (pun intended). Just defensive, I guess. Overly so at the moment, for some reason.

You shouldn't think it makes any difference what people do consensually in their bedrooms ... but, just like with straight sex, it's not the most important factor in someone's life bio or resume. It's only sex. Get over it. Everything else can be exactly the same.

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