christine~ (eppylover) wrote,

Shabbat Shmooze ~ "Fond of Jews"...? :) You should ask?!

From the

comedy community ~~

If You’re Not Terribly Fond of Jews. . .
. . .Your list of don'ts starts here!

  • Don’t ever visit the Statue of Liberty. . . the words on the base, “Give me your tired, your poor. . .” were written by a Jew named Emma Lazarus.
    This Flickr clickable image
    expands upon and clarifies
    how very Jewish-woman-related
    our Statue of Liberty actually is.
  • Whatever you do, don’t ever allow anyone in your family to take the polio vaccine. . . it was developed by a Jew named Jonas Salk.

  • Don’t watch baseball: One of baseball’s greatest pitchers, Sandy Koufax, was a Jew.

  • Sorry, you can count basketball out, too. One of the greatest coaches of all time, Arnold “Red” Auerbach, a Jew, was the head coach of the legendary Boston Celtics where he won a record consecutive World Championships.

  • By the way, one of the greatest sportscasters of all time, Howard Cosell, was a Jew too.

  • I hope you don’t like magicians; the greatest one of all time, Harry Houdini, was a Jew.

  • Don’t ever watch TV - the entertainment pioneer who helped make TV the institution it is today was Milton “Mr. Television” Berle, who was a Jew.

  • Don’t ever insist that your daughters receive the same pay as men do - the women’s rights movement was led by a Jew named Gloria Steinem.

  • Don’t ever watch a Miss America Pageant. Bess Myerson, a Jew, won that coveted title in 1945.

  • Don’t ever look at fine art; you might accidentally see the work of the (Jewish) world-famous artist, Marc Chagall.

  • Don’t read a textbook about physics - the 20th-century figure who most shaped our understanding of the universe was a Jew named Albert Einstein.

  • Don’t ever belong to any union associated with the AFL-CIO - the person who co-founded and was the first President of the American Federation of Labor was a Jew named Samuel Gompers.

  • Don’t ever seek professional assistance from a psychologist or psychiatrist. The man who founded that branch of knowledge was a Jew named Sigmund Freud.

  • Don’t ever see movies like ET, the Indiana Jones series, or Jurassic Park. The man who directed those movies was a Jew named Steven Spielberg.

  • Don’t ever insist that you a have a right to privacy from government intrusion - the man who first advanced that theory at the Supreme Court was a Jew named Louis Brandeis.

  • Don’t even attend any musical written by Rogers and Hammerstein. Hammerstein was a Jew; in fact, better not go to Broadway at all: You might accidentally see a play by Neil Simon, Arthur Miller, or David Mamet - all Jews.

  • Maybe you should leave the USA altogether because a very good friend of George Washington was a man by the name of Chaim Solomon, of Rhode Island. Mr. Solomon in no small way helped to finance the American Revolution. . . and you guessed it, Chaim Solomon was Jewish!

  • Don’t ever read the psalms from the Bible; many were written by a Jewish King named David.

  • Don’t sing “God Bless America”, it was written by a man named Irving Berlin. By the way, George Gershwin, Isaac Stern, Leonard Bernstein, Arthur Rubenstein, Yitzchak Perlman, Yasha Heifetz, Sir George Solti, Fritz Reiner, Yehudi Menuin, Andre Previn, Benny Goodman, Herb Alpert, Stan Getz, Daniel Barenboim, Burt Bacharach, Barbra Streisand, The Marx Brothers, and the Three Stooges were all Jews, too. You should be aware that Louis Armstrong and Sammy Davis, Jr. were NOT born Jews. . . but they chose to convert to Judaism.

  • Don’t watch or play tennis. Pete Sampras, the world’s greatest tennis player, is a Greek Jew; Boris Becker, 3-time Wimbledon champ (1985, 1986, 1989) is a Jew, too.

  • I hope you hate to laugh: Adam Sandler, Billy Crystal, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Lewis, Rodney Dangerfield, Jackie Mason, Carl Reiner, Jerry Stiller, George Burns, Freddie Prinze, Alan King, Jon Lovitz, Howie Mandel, Richard Lewis, Jack Benny and Don Rickles are all Jewish. [eppylover adds Jon Stewart. How can she not?] These are just a handful. There are many lesser-known Jews who have contributed to the benefit of mankind.
...And if you really hate Jews, please consider this;
You probably should not ever be a part of any Christian church - rumor has it that Jesus Christ was a Jewish Rabbi. In fact, “The Last Supper” was very likely a celebration of the Jewish Passover Seder ritual meal.

Part 2
An article which is very very ~
Sir Winston Churchill:Too Fond of Jews
(Here's just a little bit from the end of the article. Click the above link to read it all; it's great.) ~

It is no coincidence that Churchill's son-in-law and official biographer were both Jewish. With his love of learning and deep knowledge of history, Churchill estimated the Jews as follows: "Some people like Jews and some do not; but no thoughtful man can doubt the fact that they are beyond all question the most formidable and the most remarkable race which has ever appeared in the world."

Churchill was not the only prominent British statesman well disposed to the Jewish people. The great British statesmen and Prime Ministers David Lloyd George and, of course, Arthur Balfour, were also markedly sympathetic. But Churchill's willingness to repeatedly declare his affection and leave it as a legacy was extraordinary. A bafflingly complex, prodigiously gifted and intensely self-regarding man ("all men are worms, but I do believe I am a glowworm") Churchill's legacy, like that of Napoleon or Lincoln, will be a boon to historians throughout the generations. But all of them will find, to slightly twist Lord Spears' sneering phrase, that he was indeed very, very fond of the Jews.

Tags: humor, shabbat shmooze

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