christine~ (eppylover) wrote,

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My high school years and Brian

It was not invention of things or performance of anything -- although he always dreamed of being a performer -- but his forte lay in multi-level promotion and implementation; in pushing things -- accomplishing not in any conventional manner, but according to his own unique vision. Nat Weiss saw this, and he was in the beginning stages of helping Brian to realize his dreams. They were headed in the right direction. September of 1967 would begin that process in earnest, starting in Canada with a TV series.

The older I get, the more I feel things do happen for a reason, although I still cannot see any reason for what happened to Brian Epstein (and John, among others...but with me, especially Brian). When George blithely stated that Brian's death felt to him like turning a page at the end of a chapter in the story of The Beatles, I was furious. As I recall, I threw something when I read that, and I never act out like that. Well, hardly ever. :) ...

It amazes me that I actually graduated high school. It certainly doesn't help your grades or performance when you're steaming with both anger and grief inside during your Junior and Senior years, with nobody you can vent to ... and not one person truly understood, not one.

But! Just think if one of the other 4 Beatles had OD'd instead of Brian? Could you imagine the worldwide explosion of grief??? Since it was at the height of the boys' fame, it would probably have been more intense than when Lennon was shot in 1980! As drug-crazed as The Beatles and their contemporaries were in 1967, it wouldn't have totally surprised anyone who actually knew them. But there would have been a freakin' explosion in the rest of the world. ...However, nobody seemed to give a crap when it was Brian Epstein. There was a little bit of this and that in the papers, and on TV and radio ... but nobody at school, etc. was overly concerned. And, as we all can see now, The Beatles were just as effectively OVER when Brian was out of the picture ... just as OVER as they would have been had it been John, George, Ringo or Paul dying. It just took them a little longer to realize it.

If there are others out there like me ... and with the billions of people in the world, there must be, somewhere ... maybe those people couldn't/can't/won't admit to being an Eppy admirer because they probably got the same kind of reaction (when mentioning him) that I always did until I found people fairly recently (online) who understood. It's not so much being ashamed as it is being very very sad that people would react that way. I simply never wanted to see their reaction anymore. And that extended to the few friends who initially looked like they were on my side. They got over it almost immediately. Having nobody to commiserate with was, to use an old cliche, like having a sore that won't heal ... and even a simple mention of Brian's name made it hurt like salt being put on the raw sore. Guess there was just no way to heal since that day in 1967, because people took it so very lightly -- they'd say, like, how can you feel that strongly about someone you never met? And, later, after Peter Brown's book came out, someone who was such a sad pitiful pervert?


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