Shabbat Schmooze ~ Jewish Scenes in Movies

• In the background of every scene there is a Menorah
  and at least one painting of some sad fiddler.



• Jews ALWAYS speak with European accents,
  even if they were born in Nebraska



• Conservative or Reform rabbis are ALWAYS young
  and wear yarmulkes perched on top of their heads
  like gentiles at a Bar Mitzvah.



• Orthodox rabbis are always old, with accents and long beards.



• Answering questions with questions
  is how the rabbis are made to look sage.




• The shiksa is ALWAYS blonde and voluptuous but has a 'good heart.'



• If you want a non-Jewish actress to look Jewish,
  put an ugly tichel (headscarf) on her head
  (she STILL looks non-Jewish).



• Bubbes are always old even if its their first child's first child.



• Bubbes always have their hair in a really ugly bun,
  and they always look misty-eyed.



• There is always a blue-box in the background.



• There is always a map of Israel on the wall
  (does ANYONE have a map of Israel?)



• There is always a man called David and a woman called Sarah (pronounced seerah), a deceased brother who was killed in either the 6-Day or Yom Kippur war, and an aunt who never married who lives with her sister and brother-in-law.



• All the lead parts are played by brunettes with long noses.



• All the shaygetzes (non-Jewish boys) are Brad Pitt look-alikes
  and would convert, but instead are turned away
  while she marries her mother's best friend's son
  who is ALWAYS a nerd, short and ugly ~~
  she marries him because it was 'arranged' years before.



• ALL marriages are arranged, even in the most assimilated families



• Required Grande Finale:
  Breaking the Glass and a mixed family Horah wedding dance.

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