christine~ (eppylover) wrote,
christine~
eppylover

Shabbat Schmooze ~ Jewish Scenes in Movies

Hebrew characters meaning 'Love'

How do you know you're watching a Jewish Scene in a Hollywood Movie?
  • In the background of every scene there is a Menorah
    and at least one painting of some sad fiddler.


  • Jews ALWAYS speak with European accents,
    even if they were born in Nebraska


  • Conservative or Reform rabbis are ALWAYS young
    and wear yarmulkes perched on top of their heads
    like gentiles at a Bar Mitzvah.


  • Orthodox rabbis are always old, with accents and long beards.


  • Answering questions with questions
    is how the rabbis are made to look sage.



  • The shiksa is ALWAYS blonde and voluptuous but has a 'good heart.'


  • If you want a non-Jewish actress to look Jewish,
    put an ugly tichel (headscarf) on her head
    (she STILL looks non-Jewish).


  • Bubbes are always old even if its their first child's first child.


  • Bubbes always have their hair in a really ugly bun,
    and they always look misty-eyed.


  • There is always a blue-box in the background.


  • There is always a map of Israel on the wall
    (does ANYONE have a map of Israel?)


  • There is always a man called David and a woman called Sarah (pronounced seerah), a deceased brother who was killed in either the 6-Day or Yom Kippur war, and an aunt who never married who lives with her sister and brother-in-law.


  • All the lead parts are played by brunettes with long noses.


  • All the shaygetzes (non-Jewish boys) are Brad Pitt look-alikes
    and would convert, but instead are turned away
    while she marries her mother's best friend's son
    who is ALWAYS a nerd, short and ugly ~~
    she marries him because it was 'arranged' years before.


  • ALL marriages are arranged, even in the most assimilated families


  • Required Grande Finale:
    Breaking the Glass and a mixed family Horah wedding dance.

Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y
Jewish Hollywood Moments
from JLTV ~ "America's Chosen Network"




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