September 19th, 2005


AVAST YE! Best ye pay heed to the good Cap'n, if'n ye know wot's good fer ye!



Q: Yarrr, Cap’n Slappy.

I have just returned from a ravaging journey to foreign shores, and on my travels did meet many the buxom wench; my problem, or rather my question is…. I seemed to have developed some barnacles on my mast…… would ye know how to best get them off so I could once again raise the sails and board some more wenches?

A: Ahoy Barnacle Mast!

Now if ye were talkin’ about the mast on yer ship and not the metaphorical “mast” on yer “ship,” I’d refer ye to our ship’s carpenter. But if ye’re referrin’ to what I THINK ye’re referrin’ to, this is somthin’ more along the lines of what our Doc Burgess calls, “A God-Cursed Infection o’ yer SIN PIN!” Now, meself, I’ve avoided such maladies by bein’ both selective and uncannily lucky – but when I hear the lads what’s contracted said infections undergoin’ Doc Burgess's “treatment” I can’t imagine the screams o’ the damned in the burnin’ sea o’ fire to be any less anguished.

But don’t let that stop ye from seekin’ immediate medical attention.

Capn' Slappy

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