christine~ (eppylover) wrote,

I admit to being obsessed... but am I a "fan"...?

A recent post by layla1188 got me to thinking about my obsession with Brian Epstein, and how it seems (to me) to differ from the usual "fan" obsessions.

Maybe I'm delusional, but I've always felt that my mindset about Eppy is a little bit different, in that my main concern is the danger that he may not be properly remembered through history ~ and nobody seems to be doing enough to fix that. Surely the four people who owe the most to him aren't doing their part, and now there's only two of them left.

It would definitely be a different story if there were hundreds of other people working toward that end ~ in that case, I probably would now be elsewhere doing other things ~ OMG, I'd actually have a life? ~ but as it is, sometimes I feel like, well, if not for me, Brian would be all but forgotten ~ a little shadow lurking behind the four gods.

If not for me. Ha. Pretty arrogant-sounding, isn't it? ani rolleyes smiley But, from some of the replies I've gotten from people that I've opened up to Brian, it certainly seems like he's heading down the road to almost-oblivion. Even though there have been a few books written about him and a film or two, still most people I talk with know little or nothing about him ~ but everyone knows The Beatles. Nobody else was making an effort to inform people that Brian is every bit as important as his boys are.

For years and years I thought I was the ONLY one who cared and remembered Bri, including his own boys.

When I found Martin Lewis's site (in 1998?) I was beside myself with relief that there was ONE person, and a person of some substance at that, who felt the same. Should I say, SEEMED to feel the same. As time went by, my suspicion grew that he was using the "remember MBE" theme to pimp his version of Brian's (& Derek's) book. As little as he's done on the site in the past couple of years (read:nothing), I'm frankly surprised that Mr. Lewis hasn't removed his RRHoF petition from the 'net, and that it is still online, adding a few more names every day. Perhaps Mr. Lewis feels that by keeping the MBE site up, a few people may click over to his Martin Lewis site. Who knows. When it comes to Brian, I feel Martin Lewis has dropped the ball... if the ball was ever validly in play in the first place. :( I could very well be mistaken, though, and everyone knows how biased I am when it comes to Brian Epstein, so don't hold anything against Martin Lewis for moving on with his life. He is a very entertaining and literate person.

In the fall of 2004, I was shocked out of my shoes when Google revealed to me Van & Laura's MBE site. I had never seen anything so Eppilicious in my life! However, a few years have passed, and now both of them, bless their hearts, seem to be finding new and different avenues in life. Eppy is still in their hearts, but if their LJ's are any indicator, he seems to occupy a much-diminished space indeed. Speaking of hearts, a little bit of mine broke when I saw that Van changed his LJ background ~ which used to be a beautiful image of Brian ~ although that is his right, and it does reflect his new path(s) in his "fandom-centric-ness," as he might be wont to call it. What that change tells me, though, is that he's a Brian "fan" and his Brian love, commitment, devotion and determination don't run as strongly or in nearly the same direction as mine ~ alas, whose does? ~ however, I could very possibly be wrong on that, so don't bite me.

Besides, I dislike being called a Brian "fan." The word seems so ... I dunno, trite? Shallow, frivolous and superficial? Or rah-rah, like he's a f*ing sports team or something.

But I do understand why people call me a "fan." That term has become so entrenched in our language now, people use it quite indisciminately without ever thinking about its true meaning:

The word "fan" emerged as an Americanism around 1889, a shortened version of the word fanatic in reference to an enthusiastic follower of a baseball team.

The word fanatic itself was introduced into English around 1525, and means "insane person". It comes from the Modern Latin fanaticus, meaning "insanely but divinely inspired".) ...

All the characteristics of a fan, as in aficionado, certainly apply to me ... but even stronger than any of the other qualifiers, I feel an extra, more overwhelming need to fix Brian's legacy as a great historical figure. All the other fan crap can take a flying leap next to that.

Now, with happily-married hetero Vivek admitting he's suffering from a 10-year unrequited love for Eppy, and then picking MOI to work with him (even though it's in a minimal capacity, it's still more than I ever dreamed I'd be doing), I'm getting more elated and hopeful all the time for Brian... but I certainly don't feel fannish.

In other words, unlike the gushing stuff they write about the boys at beatlepics and elsewhere, I don't really have a freaky squee feeling about Bri. Having fun by acting silly about him doesn't bother me ~ and I quite enjoy it ~ but if he were still here I would never, ever be so undignified as to scream or chase him, or any of those (if I behaved that way, they would be) infantile humiliating behaviors such as Macca enjoys has to put up with.

I felt strangely out of place at that Beatles concert in 1966.

I often think my obsession is fairly similar to what some people feel about a historical figure such as Abraham Lincoln (and I've seen some very, very devoted admirers of him). Not the same as a fan thing, and not the same as a devotion to a religious or political figure.

To me, it's more of a family-type love, a very strong concern.
Does that makes any sense, to be that overcome by someone that I've never met?
What's true, yet truly irrelevant, is that Brian himself most likely would feel little or no concern about me, Christine ~ and that doesn't matter in the least to me, if that helps you put my role in perspective.

I'm happy to remain anonymous ~ or worse, to become more known ~ if that would help Eppy's place in history to get up where it belongs.

Pssst... However, if someone offered me time travel, I wouldn't hesitate a second, and personal danger be damned! ani nodding smiley
Despite my logical non-fan feeling, and despite his sexual leanings,
(or maybe, perversely, partially because of them?)
Brian Epstein is, in my eyes, the sexiest sunuvabitch who ever existed.
...Even if he had never become famous,
and if somehow I'd been exposed to him,
I know I would have felt this way nevertheless.

Someday when I create my Brian Epstein website, my main intent will be to enlighten and impress anyone and everyone regarding Brian's major role and number one position in the hierarchy of the Beatles phenomenon, restore the fully-deserved adulation, respect and dignity that he possessed in the 60's, and share news, images, opinions, thoughts and just plain anything about the most devastatingly beautiful man who ever lived.

And now for something completely different
*To lighten things up and thoroughly change the subject*
Urban Dictionary Definition of the Day
Hasbian (n.) -
A former lesbian who is now in a heterosexual relationship.

No time for any more tonight, l'Ogre is home, goodnight.
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