christine~ (eppylover) wrote,
christine~
eppylover

The SPF's (Shiksa Pseudo-Fabbi's) Shabbat Sermon

Moses, Chef Emeril, and Kosher The Happy Crab
a.k.a. Hot Dogs From Heaven


It all started when I asked Stephy what she thinks the word "kosher" means, because I mentioned the word in explaining the myth of Moses leading the Chosen People through the desert to the Promised Land...

I'm not by nature taken to repeating biblical stories. The subject came up, actually, because she was playing the "Tales of Symphonia" videogame, and the characters were discussing "manna."

I felt obliged to explain what manna originally was supposed to be ~ just some kind of food ~ what kind of food? ~ well, that was never specified.

She freaked at the idea of hot dogs falling from the sky. I remarked that they had to have been kosher hot dogs.

Although she hears the word "kosher" from time to time, she never knew what it meant. She went on to say that whenever she hears "kosher" she gets a mind image of... get this... a happy, dancing red crab with a party hat, wearing oven mitts with pictures of fishies on them.

Then she did the Kosher The Crab dance for me.

Which blew my mind, because crabs are shellfish, and decidedly not kosher.

Then she reminded me of another strong mind image she gets: whenever she hears the sound of an audience applauding, she sees cheese being grated.

Well, I suppose she would be hearing Chef Emeril's audience, then. Wandering through the desert, waiting to make manna cheesedogs.

Chef Emeril goes, "BAM!" Down come the manna dogs.

This, in fact, means they must have been similar to tofu dogs, since it's not kosher to mix milk products and meat products!

Oops, there's that damn dancing crab again; hat, mitts and all. Infernal party-crashing traif.

Hmm. I had no idea Emeril was Jewish.
(He doesn't look Jewish.)
Tags: bible, humor, jewish, kosher, my life, personal, shabbat shmooze, stephy
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