("You might well arsk" ~ J. Lennon, 1964)
Writty comprisition regardless the husbandry of Eppylover the Christine:
Yours truly the eppylover was in 1951 born and raised "overprotected" in mind and body, in the vicinity of Grand Rapids, Michigan.
Got married in 1970 to a man who ever so slightly reminded me of Eppy
I didn't know there was such a thing as homosexuality when I met him, and he educated me (in retrospect, correctly and wisely) about many things sexual and otherwise; i.e., taught me to how balance a checkbook, taught me how to cook, how to grocery shop on a budget, etc. When his own father met me, he told me that "until now" he was convinced that his son was a queer. I had no idea what he meant by that, and when I asked my husband later, I was in for a surprise. Although he was highly intelligent and not bad-looking, (kinda "Jewish-looking" if there is such a thing)... he never had any other girl... but he was very hot with me... and appeared to be very surprised and delighted with that fact... I am different in that I've never been attracted to overt maleness, nor to females... but for some reason he was "just right"... he was 27 when I met him... told me he was a "technical virgin" and wouldn't explain when I was confused by that term, so I just dismissed it from my mind... he had a habit of running off a lot mostly on weekends, sometimes overnight... which, by the way, never bothered me because I loved the freedom it gave me...
we moved and lived in the Piedmont region of North Carolina from 1972-1982,
I was happy with him until a few things occurred (one of them on Dec 8, 1980) and it finally came down hard on me that I had subconsciously tried to marry Eppy, and he was never going to be Eppy... I always knew I would have loved Brian even if he'd never discovered the Beatles or become famous... for two years I agonized full of guilt about it... my first husband would have stayed with me forever, but a few years after I left he married someone who is 100% better for him, thank goodness!
I left my first husband and moved back to my hometown (near GR) in '82 and got an amicable divorce in '83.
Met current husband in '84, but didn't start dating him until '85. We were buddies - he reminded me a lot of one of my brothers - and I constantly tried to set him up with girls, as he had just come out of a bad divorce and was lonely
- he is a grubby tall blond skinny dumb bluecollar, as different as you can possibly be from Eppy - name something Brian was and (code name) l'Ogre (later shortened to "Og") is the direct opposite -
Marrying him was probably a subconscious effort to force myself free from my Brian obsession, which I had been beating my head against the wall trying to do ever since my disillusionment with my former husband -
got married in '88,
had Stephy in '89,
very very gradually fell in a downhill unhappy groove, probably starting in '90 - it was so subtle at first.
Probably will be movin' on again when she graduates in 2008.
If husband gives me any more shite than he presently is doing, will be sooner.
[ EDIT: Divorce became final November 4, 2008 ]
Shite escalated to unbearable proportions when, despite all my support of him in the past several years, even standing by and caring for him during a time when he was gravely ill, he turns his head and can't handle the situation when anything happens with me ~ I'm eight years older than he is, and terrified of the chance I might someday be disabled and at the mercy of his inability to empathize and his incompetence as a caretaker. After all, I'm the one who is supposed to be his "mommy" and take care of HIM ~ he has also always assumed I would bring in 50 percent of the money, which I had been unable to do lately.
When my depressive illness set in after Stephy's birth, he was unable to understand how a person could be depressed when there was "nothing to be depressed about." Repeated explanations of brain chemistry disorders and doctor's diagnoses fly above his head ~ he claims the doctors are pill-pushing quacks and are filling me with bullshit. He treats me as if I am lazy and worthless now. The only thing that will save me is to accept Jesus as my savior.
Yes! The worst of it is that in the past few years he has become a born-again Christian, Pentecostal-style. He had never embraced religion before, actually had always been ignorant of any of the biblical characters, stories, rituals, etc. I myself had already gone through the childhood brainwashing of Catholicism, and am now completely at peace with being agnostic ~ so this is the worst development of all, above his homophobia and his pleasure at killing animals, and his inability to comprehend intelligent humor. If he would keep his religion to himself, it might be tolerable, but indeed he has only given me the final reason to escape.
The funniest part of it is, he is to the outside world the most jovial, helpful, cheery person in the world.
I'm old and tired, but I WILL make it to Liverpool to visit Brian before I cash in my own eternal traveler's checks. If my dreams come true, I will be lucky enough to score a few informal yet hopefully intimate chats with an old friend or lover (or two or more) of his.
As you can tell, it took me my whole life to discover what I'm here on earth for. (Besides to have Stephy, which is how my memory/legacy will continue.) It has to have something to do with Brian Epstein ... because no matter what I do, or try to do, all my life it has always come back to Brian.
I guess I'll find out when I go to England in a few years...
It's just too damn f*ing tragic that I was 5-10 years too young during the 60's. I feel as if I were born for him.
Several books state that he pined his life away for a wife and child, but was "stuck" being gay. That would not have bothered me, as you could tell by my first marriage.
The great composer Cole Porter was happily married and still had a double life they both accepted.
Same for the great actor Anthony Perkins, and they even were blessed with children.
There is no doubt in my mind there are numerous other marriages of this sort that endure.
It's just too damn f*ing tragic.
You gotta laugh.
What else can you do.
Irony is hilarious.
"Life is a bitch. And then you die. And then they throw dirt in your face. And then the worms eat you. Just be happy that it happens in that order."
~ Soloman Short
"It's shit. You can be a multi-millionaire and have everything you can think of in life, but it's shit -- you're still going to die."
~ George Harrison, Anthology, p.267
"Life is a joke -- and death is the punchline."
~ Eppylover the Christine
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♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ With the exception of some rare original items
on display, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame itself
highly annoys me -- for an honest explanation
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very important for Brian's legacy nevertheless,
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